Season 1, Episode 9: “Debate 109″
Dean Pelton: The best compliment our sports program gets is that our basketball team is really gay.
Pierce: Jeff, I think your shirt’s trying to get out of your pants.
Season 1, Episode 6: “Football, Feminism and You”
Jeff: I’m sure Troy will sign up for football if and when some accident damages the part of his brain that feels pride
Jeff: I’m saying you’re a football player, its in your blood
Troy: That’s racists
Jeff: Your soul?
Troy: That’s racist
Jeff: Your eyes?
Troy: That’s gay
Jeff: That’s homophoebic
Troy: That’s black
Jeff: That’s racist!
Season 1, Episode 5: “Advanced Criminal Law”
Troy: I’m president Obama’s nephew
Abed: You never mentioned that before
Troy: I didn’t know if I could trust you, but now it’s time to tell you everything, starting with we invented the Ferrari
Season 1, Episode 4: “Social Psychology”
Shirley: I don’t see why you and Britta aren’t together, two cute white people going to school together, it just seems right
Jeff: Shirley, we’re not pandas in a zoo
Season 1, Episode 3: “Introduction to Film”
Abed’s Dad: Dreams are for sleeping
Britta: You don’t know that
Abed’s Dad: It’s clinically proven
Abed: Our first assignment is a documentary, they’re like real movies but with ugly people
Season 1, Episode 2: “Spanish 101″
Britta: I was a little too harsh on you, I’m not perfect
Jeff: I am, I’d be happy to show you the ropes
Season 1, Episode 1: “Pilot”
Jeff: You did seem less into integrity the day that I convinced 12 of your peers that the day you made a U-turn on the freeway and tried to order chalupas from the emergency call box, that your only real crime was loving America.
Professor Duncan: Well, I do love America. I love it very much. I love chalupas.
Jeff: We’re the only species on Earth that observes Shark Week.